They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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