i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
