I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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