We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
