Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
