home. puking in laundry basket.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
