Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
