They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
