Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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