Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
