he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
