You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
