Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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