Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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