If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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