I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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