I faked an abortion last night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am midnight drunk by noon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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