If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
