I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
porn star boner night. come get it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
