Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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