I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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