my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
