I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
