shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
