Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
