You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
