Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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