Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
