just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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