I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
