Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
