so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
