you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
