Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dick very happy bro
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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