What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize