I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize