hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
