C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
