FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
