I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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