i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
