when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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