I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
