If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
