I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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