That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
