Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
