dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
