just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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