I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
