I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
