I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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