I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
