I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
