hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
