Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
