dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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