he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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