So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who died my cat blue again?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
