The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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