Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
