I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
