so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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