thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
