i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize