Dude my mom stole all your condoms
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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