cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Barsexuality is the new black.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
