There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
