It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
