I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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