I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
