Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
