omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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